


How the Battle City Tournament Should Have Ended

by StevenTLawson



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Beating a teenager with a large rod, Common Sense, Dueling, Fate of the World, Fuck the gods, Punching, Violence, no nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28144002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StevenTLawson/pseuds/StevenTLawson
Summary: Self-Insert. I was mad about how Yu-Gi-Oh handled it's Battle City and decided to see what would happen if I was there. Figured it made more sense than what everyone else was doing which was nothing.  One Shot.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	How the Battle City Tournament Should Have Ended

"Wait," I call out as I look at the other duelists watching as Marik, the real Marik, dueled Joey Wheeler. I was never one for dueling, it seemed like too much of a hassle and all the weird egypt magic mambo jumbo going on made me think this was a little sketchy. "So Marik put Mai in a coma? With his weird Millennium whatever thingy?"

After receiving a nod from Yugi or that Other Yugi since they seemed to really be the only people who understood what was going on, I shrug my shoulders and climb up onto the platform. "Hey wait a second what are you-?" Marik tries to cry out in surprise before I slam my fist into his face, knocking the short and scrawny maybe teenager to the deck of the airship.

Without giving him a chance to recover I pick up his strange golden rod off the ground and repeatedly bludgeon him with it until he stops making noises and I wrench his duel disk off his arm. I turn to see the surprised looks on the faces of my friends, Kaiba and the other two people, Ishizu and Odion. "What?! I am 100% certain that stealing someone's soul and putting them in a coma is illegal and he should be disqualified for that alone." I shout angrily down at everyone. "This is a freaking children's card game, keep this…" I yell as I kick Marik in the ribs again for good measure, only hearing a little bit of whining from the possible teenager.

"But the fate of the world…" Ishizu babbled in shock as she looked at how I was holding the Millennium item and the deck that contained one of the Egyption God cards so carelessly.

"Will not be decided by a duel," I interrupt loudly as I hand Yugi the weird Egyptian object. "Either do some weird stuff to make this not a danger to the world or toss it into a volcano."

"As for the Winged Dragon of Ra," holding up the deck angrily as I rip the cards in half. "The entire damn tournament has been completely derailed by these God cards that I am certain are not tournament legal nor should they be since there is no way for other duelists to ever get their hands on them, making them completely unfair."

"Ra…" Odion gasped as he saw the card halves flutter away in the wind.

"So Joey, congrats on your win," I say as I look over at my friend who was just as dumbfounded as the rest of the people in the tournament. "If you feel bad about it, when we wake Mai up you can duel her since she should have won against that scrawny puke until he made up some rule about needing to summon Ra in egyptian or some crap."

Turning to face the furious billionaire genius who throws a hissyfit over losing a card game. "Actually Kaiba, how exactly did you even program that into the duel disks anyway, these things are connected to some kind of rules database, there's no way that you had rules for a card you didn't know existed or what it does. I mean what would stop someone else from just making their own card up that says. "I win the duel immediately, nothing can stop this card, neener neener."?"

"Uhh…" Kaiba let out a noise that sounded like a balloon deflating.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," I shove Marik's duel disk into his open hands. "Make sure he didn't hack this thing to allow more cards that don't really exist and that way you can stop other people from messing things up in the future with fake cards."

"Ye-yeah," Kaiba slowly nodded as I walked past him to go find the snacks on the airship.

"Cannot believe we allow crap like this to happen," I growl as I toss my hands up in frustration. "When I come back for the next duel if someone is trying to use weird glowing golden jewelry to influence the duel I'm throwing someone off the side of the blimp, I don't give a damn."

And that's how the Battle City Semi-Finals should have gone.


End file.
